Kuzco: Very good, Kronk! Here, get the snack! Kronk: Oh, oh, I know! Yzma! Yzma's in your chair, right? Kuzco: Hey hey, everybody hits their stride, you just hit yours fifty years ago. Yzma: But I - you - uh - but your Highness, I have been nothing if not loyal to the empire for - for - for many, many years. Kuzco: Uh, how else can I say it? You're being let go, your department's being downsized, you're part of an outplacement, we're going in a different direction, we're not picking up your option. (to Yzma) Oh, and by the way, you're fired. Kuzco: Whoa, no touchy! No touchy! No touch! What do you say, Kuzco? (taps Kuzco, who jumps back) What is holding this woman together? (spots the broccoli in her teeth) What the-? How long has that been there? Yzma: Oh, but, your Highness, I was only dealing with meaningless peasant matters.(continues unintelligibly) I'm the Emperor, and you're the Emperor's advisor. Yzma: (giggles nervously) Doing? Doing? Doing what? Kuzco: (quietly) The never of some of those peasants, huh? Yzma: Ha! You really should have thought of that before you became peasants! We're through here. Yzma: It is no concern of mine whether your family has - what was it again? Kuzco: (vo) Yup, that's Kronk! Now, lately, Yzma's gotten this bad habit of trying to run the country behind my back, and I'm thinkin', that's gotta stop. (the fly lands on his forehead and he smacks himself to get rid of the fly) Ooof! (A fly starts buzzing around and Yzma waves at it with her hand.) And let's not forget Yzma's right-hand man. Living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the earth. Kuzco: (vo) Okay, gang, check out this piece of work. Peasant: Well, your Highness, I mean, your Grace.(continues unintelligibly) But as bad as he is, he is nothing compared to what's coming up next. Kuzco: (vo) You see what I mean? This guy's trouble. Pacha: Hey, are you going to be all right? Pacha: Oh, really, I'm supposed to see him today. Old Guy: His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life! His pattern of behaviour! I threw it off, and the Emperor had me thrown out the window! Old Guy: Well, I threw off the Emperor's groove. Old Guy: Oh, thank you, you're so very kind. (turns to walk away, but quickly turns back) Daaaah! Oh, hey, are you all right? Here, let me. Pacha: (hands the shoe to the old guy who is now hanging in a tree) Oh, here you go. Old Guy: (taps Pacha on his shoulder) Pardon me, that's mine. Kuzco: (vo) Uh, and don't be fooled by the folksy, peasant look. Guard: Inside, up the stairs, and to the left. Pacha: Ah, excuse me, I'm here to see Emperor Kuzco.
(Pacha, a peasant, walks up to a guard looking for directions.) Kuzco: (vo) What is he babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up! Anyway, still wondering about that llama in the opening? Well, let me show you the people responsible for ruining my life. Is this really the best you could do?īride Guy: Oh yes! Oh, no! I mean, perhaps! (keeps talking unintelligibly) Hate your hair, not likely, yikes, yikes yikes, and let me guess, you have a great personality.
Kuzco: Allrighty! Trot out the ladies! Let's take a look-see. That's his name! Is he hip or what? Don't you know he's the king of the world? Whoa, yeah! Oww! Kuzcoooooooo.īride Guy: Aah, your Highness! It is time for you to choose your bride! Theme Song Guy: What's his name? Kuzco! Kuzco. Kuzco: (to Theme Song Guy) You were saying? (The old guy gets thrown out the window.) Guard: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the emperor's groove. Kuzco: (to old guy) You threw off my groove! (Kuzco's groovin' and he bumps into an old guy.) Theme Song Guy: What's his name? Kuzco.That's his name. 'Cause his perfect world begins and ends with. (points to llama) Loser! Okay, see this palace? Everyone in it is at my command. (points to himself as a human) This! (points to llama) Not this. The quintessence of perfection that is he They'd be better suited swinging from the trees There are bluebloods with the intellect of fleas Theme Song Guy: (os) There are despots and dictators Kuzco (vo): Ahem! All right, let's move ahead. Kuzco: (vo) All right, now see, that's a little too far back. I was the world's nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason! Oh, is that hard to believe? Look, I tell you what, you go back a ways, you know, before I was a llama, and this will all make sense. A rich, powerful ball of charisma Oh, yeah! This is his story.
Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being. Kuzco (vo): Will you take a look at that. Kuzco (llama): Aah! (whimpers) Wee-be-be-bee. (A llama sits in the middle of the jungle crying.) Written on screen: Long ago, somewhere deep in the jungle. The Emperor's New Groove The Emperor's New Groove Transcribed by: Sonja Kemp
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